I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
