Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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