What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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