Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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