i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize