did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
