i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
