You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
