dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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