I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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