so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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