just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
