I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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