New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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