I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
