My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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