He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
