Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize