we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
