Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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