Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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