I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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