We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
