I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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