You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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