So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
