Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
