so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
