if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
