Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
