What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
