Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
