that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
