good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
