Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
