evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
