I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
