the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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