I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
