Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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