when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
