I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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