I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
