Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize