Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just want to make out with him forever
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
