worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Drake has all the answers
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize