chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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