WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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