i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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