i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
