omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
two words: eviction party
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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