Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
