I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
