i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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