I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
