I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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