i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
