i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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