she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize