We won't sleep together?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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