thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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