How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
