i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
