im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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