Please, let me fuck your mom
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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