that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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