I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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