I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
All the doctor said was why
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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