And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
