Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My pussy is not your playground.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
