ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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