I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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