i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
