My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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