Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize