I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
