Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
