And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
