i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
