i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize