Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
