You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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