I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
