Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
