Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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