you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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