fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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