Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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