Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize