just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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