i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
