so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
