Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
