just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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