Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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