I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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