Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
