hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
