i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
