i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
