Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
smell my finger.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
