I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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