do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
