hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
