dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
