I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Boobs speak an international language.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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