some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
