White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
