We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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