When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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