Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You have to summon your inner elephant
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
