I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
