I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
