Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This is my gift to your gina
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
