I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
