I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
