she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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