She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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