Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
