...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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