yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
